Doing Best For Our Kids?

A recent issue has me wondering, when you have two hard decisions, which one is the best for our kids?

Before jumping into the question at hand, I want to introduce John and Sue.

John and Sue had been together just shy of a year when Sue found out she was pregnant. For 7 1/2 months, Sue was so sick it was hard for her to get out of bed. She went on the medical card and had an uncaring doctor. After that point, she said she would have happily been pregnant for much longer. Despite having a wink-wink, nod-nod with her Deula about delivering at home, she was induced after going 9 days past her due date. She gave birth to a little girl they named Linda.

After Linda was born, Sue started to demand more of John's time. They lived together, but John was in school and working part time. She wouldn't do ANYTHING while John was gone, and complained that he was working too much.

Shortly after Linda's 7th birthday, he quit his job. Sue says that she was 'shocked' but both James and I believe that Sue pushed him (unconsciously) to it. John has not had a job since. They are living on food stamps and John's loans from school.

After Linda was born, Sue started to read alot. And she started to read about nutrition. Somewhere between the birth and when Linda turned a year old, she decided that they all needed to eat Organic. We live in an area that has been controlled by Monsanto. What organic you can find is expensive.

They have also refused to go onto TANF (the new welfare system). It has nothing to do with pride or anything that obvious. Oh no. John doesn't think it is worth his time. See, after the kid turns one, in order to get TANF you have to work X number of hours a week (20 I think). If you can't find a job TANF will employ you. Except when you figure out the math behind what you will get paid...well....it works out to about $2/hour. If I was in their shoes, I'd take it because some income is better then none (and I think it is more like 30+ hours a week that you work for TANF). But John keeps saying that it isn't worth it and he'll find something soon. It's going on seven months with him being unemployed. Sue won't get a real job. She'll volunteer at the local Co-Op (which gets them a discount) but she won't get a paying job. She just wants to stay at home.

They consistantly run out of money. John got kicked off the Food Stamps after Linda turned one because he wasn't working 20 hours a week. Sue got kicked off of WIC despite still Breastfeeding Linda. So in May, both their WIC and Food Stamps got significantly reduced. Sue has still insisted that they organic and now has started to be even more picky. More Boca, less Meat. Except Boca costs more.

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This is our family situation.

James goes to school full time and works full time. He pays for our Health Insurence. I also work very part time (between 10 and 21 hours/week). My job is driving me insane and, in all honesty, I can no longer say that if I don't get out of their soon I'm not going to hurt myself. James needs to quit as well to focus on school.

We dont' get food stamps. My meager income tips us over. We don't make ends meet, at least not if we want to eat, because we don't qualify for State Health Insurence (by $100) . We do get WIC which helps a lot. The baby qualifies for State Health Insurence, so as soon as James calls up benefits, we should start to have $200 more a month and then we can maybe make ends meet.

I want the best for my family. We all do. As such, I compromised with James. The *BIG* pesicide foods will be Organic. Anything going to the baby, with some exceptions (Squash and cereal, the latter which we generally don't feed him anyway, being the notable ones), will be organic. Nothing else will be. No major diat changes (except me trying to cook more) will be made until we have better income.

As much as I want to stay at home, I'd make a terrible stay at home parent. I've never been good at dishes and the like, and when I'm with the baby, I just want to be with the baby. I'm trying to get better at all of it.

James would like to stay home. And I think we've decided that he should quit, regardless of the job situation, in the fall. I'll have my stupid job (I'm trying to find another). We'll get Food Stamps and State Insurence. We might even qualify for TANF.

My work, however, is driving me crazy. I know they are trying to drive me out for taking my full 12 weeks of leave. I know they are trying to drive me out because I fought for my right to get my breaks long enough to pump. But it is costing me my sanity. If I quit, they win. I can't get anything in unemployment. I can't sue for FMLA violations if I quit.

And yet I do it because I think having an income and not worrying (as much) about money is MUCH better then making sure no pesticides ever come in contact with my baby. Because I understand that stablity is more important, esp at this age, then being worried about rent and electricity. I've been there on months that we haven't paid. It isn't worth it.

But I see her side to. The ability for one parent to always be home. To respond to the baby's needs as only a parent can. But I don't know if it is worth the food insecurity.

I don't think either of us are right. I don't know if there is a right. Both situations suck.

This Blog!

I guess this is the requeist introduction post.

Hi, My name is Alia but I go by either shadowkate or Red Firefox across the interwebnet. I've been blogging since the late 1990s and have been on LJ since 2002. So I have some experience at this sort of thing.

In April of 2008, we discovered that we were pregnant and in August discovered that we were pregnant with a little boy. On December 28th, 10 days shy of his due date, our little 'DM' came into the world after starting labor 24.5 hours prior. He was born sick and was in the Level 2 Nursery for a week, plus spent half that week in a billibox. I started to post about baby things to my LJ blog.

I realized that about half the people that read by LJ blog could care less about all the baby stuff, but I wanted a place to post it. Plus I wanted a place that was 'mine'. I worry about posting somethings on LJ. There are a lot of people who already think poorly of myself or my husband or the baby or any number of things that I might post on there. Isn't it sad when it feels like a Blog is no longer your 'safe space'.

So after much thought I decided to start a blog dedicated to three things:
1) The Baby. A place to post my thoughts on him, his milestones, and just what he has been up to.
2) The Family. All of our current trials and tribulations. Everything we are going through, no matter how it might turn out.
3) Other Touchy things. Things that I dont' want to post in my 'main' blog.

This means that there will be some raw emotion, some hate and anger, and I won't censor myself. Likewise, I might not apologize for it. I censor my other blog because, well, I know alot of those people. This blog is not meant for them. This blog is meant for the Internet as a nameless whole. But there will also be glee and wonder in this blog as well.

People in this blog:
*Myself
*David-Michael (also known as the Little One, Baby, DM or just David)
*My husband, James. We are dealing with some things at the moment, but that is a post in and of itself.
*Sue, John and Linda (not real names). Our good friends. Linda is 14 months old, and 8 months older then David. Sue and John are the only parents of a young baby that we know and we hang out all the time.
Last point. The name of this blog.

My son's name is David-Michael. His initals are DM. It is also an injoke (unintentional I promise) as my husband and I and almost all of our friends play D&D. The person who controls the story is the DM.

Hence he is the littlest DM.